


Undisclosed Desires

by ohlesterno



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Joe Ratliff - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 03:49:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3366647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohlesterno/pseuds/ohlesterno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all an act, right? All for the entertainment of the crowds for sure. Well that backfired on Tommy quite fucking quickly, didn’t it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undisclosed Desires

Tommy wasn’t sure what the other band members thought or knew about the things he let Adam do to him. It wasn’t really something they talked about over dinner or while he was beating their asses at Smash Bros. But there had to be a reason why, on most nights, they were practically the only ones on their bus while the other one was packed. And truth was, he didn’t give a damn. But usually the evidence of what happened underneath the roof of Adam’s bus wasn’t as prominent as the reddish-purple bruises he found in his neck that morning in late August. 

They spent the night at a hotel for a change and they had taken advantage of that privacy. But the bright bath room lights didn’t leave much to his imagination. Adam had covered his entire fucking neck in hickeys and bruises and even though the marks itself turned him on, the thought of stepping out like this didn’t exactly appeal to him as much. You didn’t have to be very imaginative to be able to tell those were fingerprints on his throat and bite marks in his neck. And it wasn’t that he was ashamed of it, he just didn’t want to have to explain anything to anyone because he felt that whatever he and Adam were doing, was something that belonged strictly to them. And if he was constantly walking around with his body covered in bruises and hickeys, questions were going to be fired at him at some point. 

He pulled a hand through his greasy hair that was in desperate need of cutting and dyeing, and a wash. But to be honest he didn’t want to do any yet because he kind of liked it this way. Like his black nail polish that was always flacky. It was a mystery to him how the hell Adam's always looked like he had just applied it five seconds ago. Adam who appeared behind him at that exact moment. Tommy looked at how his reflection towered over his in the mirror. All messy black hair and tons of left-over glitter on freckled skin. A distracting amount of skin, as he was dressed in just his black briefs and a low-cut black vest top. 

“Let me look at you,” he said with his fingers already feather light against Tommy’s throat to make him face Adam. Light blue-green eyes scanning every inch of the bruised skin in his neck. 

“I look like a little bitch,” Tommy complained, swallowing hard against Adam’s rough fingers. 

“You look pretty,” Adam simply said. “You always look pretty Tommy Joe.” Adam trailed his fingers down towards his chest. Tommy swallowed again. He kind of agreed. He fucking loved it when Adam left his marks all over him. And they didn’t go as far as actual BDSM or whatever. Tommy wasn’t into that shit. He was fine controlling his own oxygen supply, thanks, but he wasn’t going to lie. It was hot when Adam dug his fingers into his skin just hard enough for it to leave him marked and bruised for a couple of days. It would just have been a little more convenient if he did it in places that Tommy could easily hide underneath the collar of his shirt. 

Adam let go of Tommy, who hated to admit to himself that he was desperately longing for more. He was always longing for more of Adam. Sometimes it wasn’t even enough when he had Adam’s fucking dick stuffed halfway down his throat. But Tommy decided months ago that he probably shouldn’t want to look any further into the meaning of that. 

“Yeah but you’re not the one that has to go out on stage like this,” Tommy continued, stubborn. He sometimes had this annoying urge to argue with Adam about the most stupid fucking things. Probably because it was the only way he could also kind of be in control around him. Because even though Tommy learned that he could give pretty good head and always had Adam squirming for him when he fingered him, it was still always Adam's filthy mouth who talked him through it. Maybe that was something that stuck from when they did it for the first time and Tommy literally had no fucking idea what he was supposed to do. 

Adam now just smiled meaningfully. “Do you need a break from… this, Tommy?” he said waving around the room. Adam’s eyes sparkled in a way that Tommy knew meant trouble. And it sure as hell wasn’t the first time he felt like he wasn’t in on the joke that made Adam grin like that. 

“No… I mean… I just” Fuck. Why was it that so often he lost the ability to form a proper sentence around this guy. 

“Because it seems to me like you do,” Adam continued as if Tommy hadn’t even said a word. And maybe he hadn’t. He wasn’t sure anymore. All he knew was that he didn’t like where this was going. 

“Don’t worry baby, maybe you are right,” Adam said, letting his fingers trail across the bruises lightly. Tommy gasped. 

“I should probably let you heal for a bit…” Adam was still grinning darkly as he bend over and pressed a soft kiss right on top of each of the marks he’d left there with that same mouth only a couple of hours earlier. And then he just turned and left Tommy standing there. His dick hard and neglected, his mind confused. He had a feeling that part of this was just Adam being the sensible, caring one again. And the rest, worse part, was Adam wanting to play a game. 

Because the thing was, Tommy was always up for more, even when it probably wasn’t the best decision because let’s be honest, Adam wrecked him up pretty bad before. He didn’t mind, but Adam did. He had refused to fuck Tommy before, to give him some time to recover or heal or whatever the hell. Out of love, more than anything. Because Adam could be rough and was definitely fucking dominant, but he never let it go too far. He would never go past the point where Tommy couldn’t handle it anymore. He liked to get pretty fucking close to it, but would never actually crossed the line. Which was probably for the better because Tommy wasn’t sure if he’d ever stop. He trusted Adam entirely. 

By the time he came out of the bathroom after taking a shower, the only reminder of Adam’s presence came in the form of a small note on the bed. 

“See you at work in a bit TJ”

Tommy stood and looked at Adam’s note and his handwriting that was the odd combination of curly and blocky. And he knew that he was going to regret triggering this part of Adam’s personality. Because Adam might love Tommy and care about him, he also loved a game every now and then. And whatever it was that he’d just started, there was no way in hell that Tommy was going to win. 

Tommy didn’t have to wait long until he started to get a slight idea of where Adam was going with this. During sound check, that afternoon, Adam did something Tommy wasn’t used to, he was treated like all the others. No sneaky touches, flirtatious comments or even a secret glance. Just friendly banter and talk about chords. It fucking drove Tommy crazy and it was weird how he needed to be treated like that to notice the difference. Because normally Adam would give him those looks that made Tommy feel like he was being fucked right there and then. He was always telling Tommy how good he looked with certain make-up or in whatever the hell he was wearing. And after spending a couple of hours around Adam without a single sign of special affection, he realised how spoiled he was. He lived for Adam’s attention. And Adam knew, so he also knew exactly what not to do. Fucking great. Damn. 

That night, while he was getting ready for the show in his Staten Island dressing room - he hadn’t seen Adam since sound check - Tommy felt a lot of things that had to do with anger and frustration but mostly he was disgusted by his own desperation. After trying to cover up the damn bruises as much as he could, he told Sutan what he wanted on his face that night. Ten damn layers of lip gloss instead of the dark lipstick that made Adam reluctant to kiss him, tons of black eye shadow to accentuate his eyes. That would serve the guy right. Tommy wasn’t stupid, he already noticed the effect he had on Adam on the day they met last year and had since then learned what to do and wear to make it worse. The only surprise back then had been how Tommy discovered that he wanted to learn. But hell, he was going to use some of his best tricks on stage tonight. 

The first couple of songs of the night were alright. They always were. They were just about the performance and all he had to focus on was playing his parts. Adrenaline and happiness were rushing through him every single night because damn, he knew he was lucky to have been given this chance. A slight encounter during Down The Rabbit Hole was part of the routine. But Fever wasn’t. Never fucking would be. And the song always was just suddenly there. And he was never completely ready for the anticipation and tension and then hiding most of it from the crowd. 

Because it was all an act, right? All for their entertainment for sure. Well that backfired on him quite fucking quickly, didn’t it. 

Adam stomped down the stairs, then faced him right away because Tommy was already right there, waiting for him. Adam’s arm landed on his shoulder and Tommy knew this was his cue. He looked down, blinked slowly, then held Adam’s glance for as long as he could. Repeated it a couple of times. Adam’s hand trailed down his cheek and Tommy was still eye-fucking him. Because the thing was, he never knew if he was going to get it until it actually happened. Adam looked away at the crowd, sang a word or two and then bend over. Hand on his chin, in that torturous gentle but demanding way that only Adam knew how to do. Fingers brushed across lips, then Adam kissed him. The quickest fucking kiss in the existence of kisses. Sloppy and hard. But it was a kiss at least. Yet still, when Tommy stepped away from the stairs and back to his spot, he couldn’t help but feel like it was just a big ‘fuck you’ from Adam. 

And apparently that was the continues theme of his game. By the time Tommy came out of his dressing room, Adam had already gathered a group of band members and crew around him in the corridor to head to whatever club they could find. When he noticed Tommy he waved at him to come over. 

“There’s my pretty bass player,” he said, but those weren’t the kind of things he wouldn’t say to anyone else. He loosely wrapped his arms around Tommy’s shoulder. He always felt extra tiny whenever Adam did that. “Great show tonight, wasn’t it?” he said, but his eyes were saying something else. Another reminder of who was in control, another ‘fuck you’. Tommy swallowed a come-back and just nodded. “Let’s go,” Adam announced and the group headed for the cabs that were waiting for them outside the venue. Tommy saw a glimpse of the busses around the corner and for a second thought about escaping the group and going to bed. It was hard to imagine that Adam would treat him any better at the club anyway. 

An hour in Tommy had lost Terrence, Sutan and Sasha to more entertaining company and he just sat in one of the booths swirling his drink around his glass before downing it all at once, again. From where he was sitting he could see Adam on the dance floor, surrounded by boys. All pretty, of course. And as he was drowning himself in self-pity he missed the point where Adam escaped from his twinks and made his way over to Tommy. 

“Why the long face,” Adam slurred, already drunk on attention and a mixture of exclusive cocktails and expensive, and fucking disgusting, champagne. Adam bend over and his face was only inches away from Tommy as he tried to make himself audible over the loud, fucking annoying, music. Tommy might be a bass player, but there was definitely a limit to how much of it he could handle in one fucking song. Adam’s hips were still swaying and he drunkenly reached for Tommy’s hands that were on the table. Tommy had a feeling that he should not be so aware of how the cold metal of Adam’s rings pressed against his knuckles as Adam pulled him out of his booth. Honestly, Tommy only ever agreed to coming along to these things to please Adam, but he still hated when Adam then went and tried to pursue him to dance. Especially because he still hadn’t found a way to tell the fucking guy no.

So there he went, through the crowd, right to the middle of the dance floor. Not by choice, but because Adam had tightened the grip of his fingers around Tommy’s wrist as they went. When Adam suddenly turned around they were face to face. His nose almost stroking Tommy’s. He could even tell apart the freckles on Adam’s lips, despite the dark and the flashing blue and green laser lights that were the only thing to light the place. When he looked back up, Adam was looking down at him through his lashes and Tommy swore he could literally feel his heart skip a beat from desire. 

He shuffled forward as far as he could, to entirely close the gap between them and Adam put his hands on Tommy’s hips as he started to grind against him. Every move perfectly synchronised to the music. Tommy could almost immediately feel his dick respond to the friction, and so did Adam. Who was grinning maliciously as he stepped away again. “Let’s not get too carried away, right?” he whispered in Tommy’s ear. And the damn glitter that was everywhere - always fucking was since he went on tour with this guy - was not the reason Adam glistened when Tommy looked up at him. It were his damn eyes again. Satisfaction flickering behind them and Tommy realised it was because he had fallen for Adam’s trick. 

After Adam spent five minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get some movement into Tommy’s hips, or legs or anything – Tommy had stopped moving entirely once he’d realised this had been Adam’s plan all along -, he suddenly gave up. 

“Alright, okay. I get it. God, you’re so boring tonight Tommy Joe,” he sang and willingly stepped back, straight in the arms of some other guy. Somehow Adam managed to make Tommy feel like he was the one to ruin his chances to get laid that night. But Tommy knew that this had been part of it all along. That thought didn’t do anything for his state of mind though, as he headed back to the busses, that had now moved up town to the club and were waiting for them around the corner. Because right now, he was starting to feel pretty damn sexually frustrated. Which probably meant Adam had him exactly where he wanted him. And apparently, that wasn’t underneath him for once.

It took him every last bit of self-control to step on Adam’s bus. He would rather just go on the other bus and escape the torture of being around Adam but not being able to be with him, all together. But he wasn’t going to give Adam the satisfaction. So instead he undressed himself all the way to his black and grey striped briefs and crawled underneath the sheets of Adam’s king-size bed at the back of the bus. Where everything fucking smelled of him. The pillow and the sheets drifted the scent of his musky perfume in his nose. The oriental scent of the oil Adam used in his hair overwhelmed him. There was even a smear of eyeliner on his pillowcase. Sure there was probably a hint of Tommy’s own scents in there as well, but he only smelled Adam. There was no escaping it. When he closed his eyes he could only see images of Adam sleeping on his back, one hand on his chest, dick half hard and heavy on his stomach, legs spread out and one curved slightly. More than enough space for Tommy to cuddle up against him, rest his head on his shoulder. 

And for a moment, surrounded by his scent and the memory of everything they ever did in this bed, he could feel the heavy pressure of Adam laying there beside him on the bed. And then he felt the pressure somewhere else. 

He was hard. Again. His dick was pressing impatiently against the cotton of his briefs. He was disgusted with himself for being so desperate. Tried his best to ignore the urge to get rid of some of the tension. But after some tossing and turning, throwing his head from one side of the pillow to the other to find a spot that was free of his memory, Tommy let his hand slip underneath the waistband of his briefs. A pained groan escaped him when he gave a gentle tuck. He lifted his hips from the mattress and used his free hand to slide his pants halfway down his thighs, then pressed his head sideways into the pillows to drown out his groans as he gave in to the urge. 

Minutes later he opened the drawer on his bedside table with trembling hands to grab a handful of tissues. He wiped away his own jizz from his stomach and didn’t even bother to clean up the mess he made on the sheets. He fell back in the pillows and sighed. The worst fucking thing was that he barely even felt relieved. 

The following morning he woke up too damn early with a pounding headache and burning eyes. His heart was racing and there was no way in hell he was going to fall asleep again. Light crept in through the thin curtains and judging by the complete silence, they were parked somewhere. Maybe it wasn’t that early after all. He felt dirty and his cheeks were glowing with shame at the thought of last night. The thought of how Adam had been naked underneath those same sheets made him fucking shoot his come all over himself. Even though more often than not, he had been right in Adam’s arms with him in this bed. 

It was just the thought of not being able to have it that made him even more desperate for it. And he didn’t know how long he was going to have to wait for it, but he knew he couldn’t spend another night in bed like this, whatso-fucking-ever. 

He got up and started pulling the covers, the sheets and his pillow cases from the bed roughly. Then he carried everything over to the doo, pushing it open with his foot. He carried the cum-stained and Adam-scented sheets over to the small kitchen and opened the cabinet that they chose to use as a deposit for dirty laundry, tossed everything in and slammed the door shut. A soft “fuck” escaped his lips as the reality of the situation began to sink in. This was no longer just about being ignored by Adam for a day. It was about how that made him feel. He was in way too deep. 

“You alright there Tommy?” 

Tommy jumped up and turned on his heels to find a very sleepy Adam sitting on the edge of one of the bunk beds at the other end of the bus. Tommy needed a few moments to process everything. The fact that Adam apparently actually slept in a bunk bed, that he was sitting there in his boxers and a black t-shirt with his hair standing straight up in every possible direction and make-up smeared all over his face - the fucking beautiful fuck. And that, of course, he was smirking. Nothing was ever a mystery for Adam. Not as long as it had anything to do with Tommy. Adam just always seemed to know everything. Tommy thought about an answer, then thought even longer until the silence had said it all. So he just shook his head to let Adam know he disapproved. He didn’t know of what exactly, but just everything in general. He disapproved of this fucking situation and of how much he cared. 

When he came back in, Adam and Monte were sitting in one of the booths by the kitchen area and he overheard Adam complaining to Monte about his sore back. Adam was waiting his nails and Monte was reading something on his phone. 

“That’s what you get when you sleep in one of those damn bunk beds,” Monte mumbled and Adam turned around at Tommy, as if he had known all along that he was there. 

“I don’t mind, because apparently someone got my sheets all dirty,” he said calmly as he lifted his hand to inspect the black nail polish.

Monte raised his hands immediately and started climbing out of the booth. “I don’t know what this is about and I’m not staying around to find out.” 

They watched him walk to the front of the bus in silence and Tommy realised that they were parked at the parking lot of a new hotel. Today was a day off. Amazing. He listened to the hydraulics of the doors as they opened for Monte and much to his annoyance, Adam got up as well. 

“Where the fuck are you going?” Tommy said, no longer bothered to be polite. He was getting tired of this shit. 

“To get some sleep in an actual bed,” Adam said meaningfully. He didn’t see Adam again that day. 

Tommy had this theory that everyone could fall in love with Adam eventually. Boy or girl, no matter their orientation. All you had to do was spend enough time with him. And once it happened all you could do was wait and hope that Adam would love you back. Tommy hadn’t known what it was like to be one of the many very unfortunate that would never get attention from Adam that way. But now he had ended up in a place even worse. He knew what it was like but couldn’t have it right now. Somehow, after some stupid comment about hickeys that made Adam decide to teach him a lesson or set him some probably much needed boundaries or whatever. He wasn’t even sure anymore. But he was determined to get some answers as he burst into Adam’s dressing room, backstage in wherever the hell they were in Virginia. Answers or a fucking tongue down his throat, it would both settle his nerves. 

Adam was sitting on the couch, already dressed in his leather pants and sparkly black button up shirt. His jacket still on the rack in a corner. His hat on the make-up table. Make-up on, hair on point. He was joined by Sutan, Taylor, Terrence and Longineu. They were laughing. For a moment Tommy felt like he was back in high-school, where he was always left out of everything because he was the weird boy with the eyeliner and the black nails. Then he forced himself to snap out of it. He really needed someone to fuck some sense back into him. Preferably the one that then interrupted his thoughts by asking him for a bottle of water. 

Tommy headed for the fridge in the corner and grabbed two bottles of water from the top shelf. When he turned back around, Adam stood there waiting for him. He cornered Tommy and blocked Tommy’s entire view of the room with his body. He looked down with dark shot eyes and lifted his hand to Tommy’s throat to caress his jaw before trailing his fingers down his neck. 

“Looks like you’re healing up pretty nicely baby,” Adam whispered darkly, “but we can’t be too careful can we…” he added and smirked. Adding a little more pressure against Tommy’s throat with his fingers but he was already stepping away from him again. He placed his fingers over Tommy’s hand in which he held one of the bottles and opened his fingers. Tommy hadn’t realised how he clenched the bottle. Adam smiled and headed back to the group, leaving Tommy with the urge to wreck the room. Or fucking yell in his face at least. A feeling that only got worse when Adam literally fucking went and just cupped his chin before walking off during Fever later that night. 

Adam was intense to be around in general. But three days in Tommy learned that it was definitely fucking worse when he decided to play a game. It really was his decision because Tommy was pretty sure he didn’t get into this voluntarily. Because he sure as hell didn’t remember agreeing to this torture. A huge part of him knew that he should probably just tell Adam to fuck off. But there was also a part of him that wanted to know where this was leading to and then another one that hoped that maybe tonight Adam would finally get sick of it. The one thing he did know was that his fucked up mind sure as hell wasn’t a good place to be trapped inside at that moment. So on the third night, after another show during which he didn’t get anything but a finger running down his damn jaw, he went on Adam’s bus again. Like every other fucking night. Like some desperate teenage girl hoping to finally get laid. 

All Tommy found though was an empty bed again. But at least the sheets smelled of just him. And all it reminded him of was how he also slept underneath them by himself the night before. Jesus. 

On day four Tommy tried a different approach. That pretty much existed of trying to avoid being around Adam as much as he could. Which shouldn’t theoretically be that hard, as he had barely seen the guy since this shit started. But he couldn’t have been more wrong, of course. Because nothing ever went the way he planned it. Not with Adam fucking Lambert it didn’t. 

The fact that, for example, Tommy woke up with the heavy presence of that same Adam Lambert beside him that morning didn’t really help. He didn’t even have to open his eyes to know Adam was there because his body always just seemed to radiate this warmth - as if he carried a tiny piece of the LA sun within him at all times. It wouldn’t even fucking surprise him if that was the case. And when Tommy did open his eyes, his heart skipped a beat anyway. He really was there, sleeping on his stomach with his arms around the pillow and his left cheek pressed into it. He was facing Tommy. His face was beautifully bare with all make-up scrubbed off. His eyes hidden behind long dark lashes and freckled eyelids. 

Tommy loved those freckles as much as Adam hated them. It kind of softened everything in a way, made him a bit more human if that made any sense, but Adam never liked when Tommy talked about them. So he had learned to just admire them in silence, preferably when Adam wasn’t paying attention. 

“Don’t get your hopes up Tommy Joe, I just needed a proper freaking bed,” Adam’s morning rough voice made Tommy jump. He had no idea Adam had been awake, he hadn’t fucking moved at all. And another couple of minutes went by until his eyes finally fluttered open. He blinked quickly a couple of times to adjust to the bright morning light that came in through the small bus windows on either side of the bed and then he pressed himself up on one elbow. 

“Morning baby.” 

Tommy couldn’t help but smile a little. This sure as hell was a better start to his day than he’d imagined. It would have been better with some sleep-sour kisses at least, but he was no longer hoping for any of that. But truth be told, he did regret putting this old Marilyn Manson t-shirt on before he went to bed the night before. Couldn’t blame him though for definitely not expecting to wake up like this. To Adam who clearly hadn’t bothered to put some clothes on. Tommy groaned at the thought of Adam’s dick that was literally inches away from him. If he wanted to, he could just reach for it. Hell he could even slide down the mattress just a little bit and do a whole lot more. But somehow, something was stopping him. It might just have been Adam’s words, telling him not to get his hopes up. Apparently the freaking torture wasn’t over yet. He wanted so much for Adam to just touch him. He was usually tense when sexually-deprived but this was just cruel. To have it taken away from him so abruptly without any warning. And he would say that maybe he hadn’t appreciated Adam’s affection enough when it was still there but that wasn’t true. Hell, he had appreciated the hell out of every second he spent near Adam. And he basically went kind of gay for the dude, so if that was what Adam was trying to get from him here, more appreciation, he should have just paid more attention. 

But frustratingly, Tommy knew that that wasn’t the case. Adam was just having way too much fun with this. That was probably all there was to it. And when Adam eventually rose from the bed and headed for the bathroom, still gloriously and painfully naked, it cost Tommy all his willpower to stay down. 

Just to see Adam return to the bedroom half an hour later, showered and fully dressed. While Tommy on the other hand still lay on his back, lost in thoughts, making him feel more and more frustrated. He hadn’t even asked for any of this when he got the gig as the bass player in his band. He just wanted to make some fucking money by doing what he loved for once. Sure, he was up for making some friends maybe - but the last thing he expected was that he would ever be willing to take some dude’s cock up his ass. And love it. Yet here he was feeling the way he felt over some other guys dick. He had one of his own for fuck’s sake. 

After Adam had gone and left the bedroom, Tommy tried to go back to his original plan of staying away from him. But it just couldn’t seem to last long as he first ran into him at the snack section of a petrol station where the bus made a quick pit stop and all he got was a meaningful smirk. Then later that day they literally tried to get off the bus at the venue at the exact same moment which resulted in them being squeezed together in the small bus isle near the front of the vehicle. And Adam digging his fingers into Tommy’s hips as he slid past him to make it to the door first. And after that during sound check they reached for the same drink. It was as if they were fucking drawn to each other because Tommy was damn sure he wasn’t doing anything. 

But every time Adam came that close to him, Tommy could feel himself getting a little more frustrated. He could smell his musky perfume and feel his warmth. He could feel Adam’s arm brush lightly against his and his fingers were still burning in his skin where Adam had grabbed him earlier. His frustration grew to a point where he could literally feel it in his dick and God… he was just so bloody tense. 

Tommy was surprised however, when only about ten minutes before show time, Adam showed up in the doorway of his dressing room. Already in full stage gear, that made it seem like there was even more of him than there already was. 

“What’s up?” Tommy said trying to sound casual but failing miserably just by saying ‘what’s up’. 

Adam laughed a short, dark laugh. “Just wondering if there was anything you wanted to say to me…” 

“I’m not going to fucking beg you for it if that is what you’re waiting for,” Tommy hissed. He didn’t even have the energy to play along. He probably would if Adam kept going long enough, but for now he still liked to hold on to his beliefs. And one of them was that he just wasn’t into that kind of shit.. It literally only took Adam three steps to get closer to Tommy – a whole fucking lot closer. It had to be one of the benefits of having legs for miles. Tommy found himself taking a step back and ended up with his back against the wall. Adam took immediate advantage of that and kicked Tommy’s feet apart before pressing a knee in between his thighs. He lifted his knee a little higher until it was pressing right against Tommy. He hissed through his teeth and he swallowed hard as Adam’s fingers curved around his hard dick, right through his pants. 

“You don’t have to beg me for anything, baby,” Adam hissed. Leaving Tommy wondering if Adam really just sounded a bit insulted. 

“Then why don’t you just fucking fuck me,” Tommy said. He hadn’t been able to think about the fact if he wanted to be the one to ask it. The words just escaped his mouth before he could stop them. And to be honest he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t have tried real hard to hold them back anyway. Adam’s fingers tightened around his cock, squeezed lightly and then loosened again. Tommy believed that it if anything, it had been a reflex caused by his words and definitely not Adam giving up that easily. Although how fucking easy would it have been, he was already doing this for four fucking days. 

Adam followed the curve of Tommy’s now painfully hard dick with his hand slowly. “I think we’re almost there baby...” he whispered, his lips brushing across Tommy’s ear shell, tongue tracing his piercings.

And for what felt like the hundredth time in a couple of days, Adam stepped away from him again. Leaving him hard again. Adam brushed a hand through the ruffles dangerously close to Tommy’s throat and disappeared. A-fucking-gain. Feeling like total shit and more frustrated than ever before Tommy slammed the door shut behind Adam’s back, tore his pants open and put one hand flat against the closed door while he curved the other around his pained dick. Even though experience already taught him that it would barely help, he needed to release some of the tension because there was no way in hell he could step out on stage feeling like this. As the slightest touch or even glance would probably be enough to get him hard again at this point. 

He literally only needed a minute. And in an attempt to catch his freaking jizz in his cupped hand, he somehow ended up smearing half of it on his shirt. The fucking black button-up he was meant to be wearing on stage that night. Or in just a couple of minutes. Freaking great. He looked around desperately to find something that could solve the problem but eventually came to the conclusion that there was no way for him to wear the stupid shirt on stage that night anymore. Or maybe ever. Freaking cum stains were a pain in the ass. And not even the fucking kind he liked. To make things worse the only piece of clothing he brought was the jumper he had been wearing that afternoon. A white and grey jumper with an Aztec pattern. Some people teasingly called it his Christmas jumper and to be fair, it probably was the most festive thing in his entire fucking closet. 

If anything, it didn’t even slightly fit in with the glam rock, glitter, leather and lace theme they had going on stage but Adam would just have to deal with it. And if he had any complaints, Tommy would gladly explain to him what happened. Besides, it wasn’t exactly like he had time to worry about a fucking cum stain. Everybody was probably already waiting for him behind the stage. He could hear the roar of the excited crowd right through the doors of his dressing room. 

“What happened to the ruffles Tommy Joe?” Adam’s voice was rough and low when he spotted Tommy in his jumper. He separated him from the others by simply standing in between Tommy and the rest of the room and placed a hand flat against Tommy’s chest, fingernails curved slightly to press into Tommy’s collarbone that he had easy access to thanks to the wide neck of the shirt Tommy was forced to wear. Tommy looked down through his lashes before flashing him one of those glances that he knew was one of the things that could break Adam. He licked his lips and let a grin slowly spread over his mouth. This was his fucking moment, his first fucking shot at payback. 

“Didn’t take you long to work out what happened to the sheets but turns out you can’t know everything now can you?”

Tommy enjoyed watching Adam as he had to swallow a couple of times in order to make sure his voice wouldn’t crack and then he refrained from speaking all together. But Adam couldn’t hide the look of torture in his eyes, no matter how hard he tried, his eyes always betrayed how he really felt. And judging by the way Adam’s pupils literally dilated as Tommy stood and looked at him, his plan had worked pretty fucking well. The first fucking victory he’d had since this started and it felt great. Maybe he even started to understand what made Adam enjoy it so much. The amount of power he felt when Adam literally gasped and looked at him with wide pitch-black eyes could easily be addictive. It was good to be reminded of the fact that this cock-teasing thing could work both ways. It was just that Tommy had been too caught up in his own desperation to realise it sooner. 

“Showtime, rock star,” he said, now being the first to step back. But not before he managed to get a hand on Adam’s dick, giving it a firm, confident squeeze without breaking eye-contact. He could literally feel Adam’s dick jerk in response. And fuck it was hard to step away, but hell, he needed to enjoy every last second of being in control while it lasted. He ignored the raised eyebrows and meaningful glance Monte shot his way as he turned around and focussed on strapping on his bass instead. And he had a strong feeling that the eyes he felt burning in his back didn’t belong to the guitar player. 

Because the singer finally started to show signs of reaching his own damn breaking point. But he wasn’t quite there yet and he made sure Tommy understood that by being straight up fucking irresistible during Fever that night. Tommy intentionally didn’t look at him as they stood face to face on the stairs during the first chorus. He was pretty sure that there had been some sort of choreography or guideline for what they were supposed to do up there, but they had dropped that long time ago. These days it was mostly just them fucking each other up until Adam would take control and do something that would make Tommy’s knees go weak. And as much as Tommy would have fucking loved to be able to say it didn’t work that night, he couldn’t. Because Adam knew how to pull his strings. Always.

And what the hell, nobody ever taught Tommy how he was supposed to deal with the way Adam cupped his chin to force him to look at him. And what the fuck could he do against the way Adam went on to gently caress his jaw before softly nudging his chin up just that one inch so he could shove his tongue into Tommy’s mouth. And Adam already had Tommy waiting by then, his mouth open in anticipation for what he knew was about to come. It was a soft kiss. Nothing more than Adam gently sucking at his tongue for a second. Not even remotely shocking for anyone who watched it. Because that wasn’t what this was about. This was just meant to tease Tommy. Adam’s way to let Tommy know that despite almost falling for Tommy’s trick, he was still in charge. As if Tommy had – even for a second – dared to think differently.

Adam and Terrence went out after the show that night but Tommy couldn’t find it within him to come along. If anything this whole fucking thing started to wear him out and going to some sweaty city bar was the last thing he needed. So he went back to the bus instead. Adam’s bus. And got drunk by himself. Feeling more miserable, lonely and neglected than he had felt in a very long fucking time by the time he finally went to bed at 4AM. 

When he woke up he didn’t have to open his eyes to know a couple of things. Adam was beside him again, they were now actually driving and on the road to the next venue, wherever the hell that was, and he had a fucking fuck of a headache. But he had no time to worry about anything but the first of those things, as Adam suddenly started to talk. 

“I only meant to keep it up for like a day, maybe two you know…” 

Adam always did this thing where he just started talking with no warning whatsoever. Tommy didn’t know how the hell he did it but somehow Adam could always tell whether Tommy was asleep or awake. Or that’s what he assumed, because for all he knew Adam could have confessed his unconditional love to him seven million times thinking Tommy was awake when he actually wasn’t. But that seemed pretty damn unlikely. And maybe he should stop listening to his own stupid thoughts and pay some attention to whatever the hell Adam was saying. Because he fucking finally seemed willing to open his damn mouth. 

Tommy lifted his head a little to look at Adam, who sat on the bed beside him. One bare leg hooked around the crisp white covers, the outlines of the other visible underneath the blankets, his hands resting on the mattress in the gap between his legs, fingers laced together tightly. Tommy couldn’t see his face and was immensely distracted by his broad shoulders that were covered in freckles, just as the rest of his back and every other fucking inch of his body. He wanted to reach out and trace invisible patterns between them like he was doing one of those puzzles where you had to connect numbered dots to create an image. But then Adam’s morning rough voice broke the silence and the spell Tommy was permanently under when being confronted with Adam’s naked body. Or, who was he kidding here, with Adam in general. “And it all only started out because you could really use some time to recover. But then I started to see how desperate it made you and it was so hot Tommy. You really, really want this don’t you? All of it.” 

Tommy laughed a bitter laugh. Light blue eyes darted his way as Adam looked over his shoulder and Tommy pushed himself up as well so that they were sitting side by side. A moment of silence followed in which Tommy realised this was it. If he didn’t fucking say it now he probably never would. And hell after this ridiculous week it was probably about damn time for them to have a conversation as well. Adam lifted his hands, as if he wanted to reach out to Tommy and then dropped them again, as if he was afraid that his touch would distract Tommy from talking. And he was probably pretty damn right about that. 

But he was going to talk. If he could ever put all the feelings that were flying around his head into proper fucking sentences. He took a deep breath and stared at the closed door in front of them. He knew the walls in the bus were thin, but he figured that if anyone could hear him through it, they had heard things a lot more disturbing come over his lips before. 

“You’re quite fucking late to the party aren’t you…” he finally began. “I thought I made it pretty clear that I want this when I let you shoot your fucking load in the back of my throat and I swallowed it. And not because I thought you would be pleased to see that, but because I fucking wanted to. And remember that first time you fucked me? Because I fucking do. It had been a long time since I came that hard Adam. And fuck, the fact that I could barely fucking walk the next day only made me want to do it again. So yes, dude – I’m quite fucking sure I want this. And that doesn’t mean I’m not fucking terrified but it does mean that I am willing to find out where this could go. Because right now the thought of having you and then not having you anymore is the worst fucking thing I can imagine. And it might have been wrong of me to assume that you knew, but I didn’t exactly went and hid it from you either. I know that maybe we didn’t meant for it to get so damn complicated at first, you even fucking warned me for it, but hell I spent my whole life thinking, knowing I was straight. So there kind of had to be more to it than me just waiting a fuck, don’t you think? I don’t even like dick Adam, but I love yours. Because I… because it’s yours, you know. You’re fucking beautiful. And not just because your eyes are as blue as the fucking LA sky, or because of those damn thighs. I don’t particularly like people, especially when they want things from me like… I don’t know, conversation…” he threw his hands up in frustration. Frustrated by how he sat there and rambled on when maybe he could have just used three words to say it all. “but I love to listen to you because it makes me understand how your mind works. And I love your mind Adam, I love…” 

He paused, but not long enough to allow Adam to interrupt him because he was fucking going somewhere with this. Not that Adam looked like he was going to speak anytime soon anyway. He was just staring at Tommy with wide eyes. His expression a mixture of regret, fear, affection and surprise. And hell this was probably the most heart-felt, cheesy shit he’d said in his entire life, but he wasn’t done yet. And he also wasn’t going to stop until he knew for sure that Adam understood.

“I mean I’m sorry I’m not as good with words as you are and I’m sorry I might not talk as much as you would want me to. But fuck, you should have fucking figured. I thought you figured. Because you just always fucking do.” 

Adam turned around slightly, resting his knee on top of Tommy’s thigh as he reached to cup his face in both his hands. “Oh Tommy…” his said. His voice raspy and Tommy thought it was the start of a whole lot of conversation but then it wasn’t. Because the next moment he was flat on his back and Adam was straddling his waist. 

“I never meant for this stupid thing to become so serious, but now I’m kind of glad it did… You’re very, very pretty when you’re desperate for cock Tommy Joe,” Adam mumbled, bending over a little but still too far from Tommy’s face for his liking. And it wasn’t like he could do anything about it, because Adam’s entire fucking body weight was pinning him to the mattress. And maybe Tommy should have been worried that Adam hadn’t heard a single thing he said, but to be honest – this was the only reaction he hoped for. Because it was finally fucking over. And Tommy had seen it in those damn eyes and in Adam’s entire body language that he had heard damn well what Tommy said to him. And besides, Adam had never been the one to go all mysterious on his feelings for Tommy in the first place. So yeah – the rest of this conversation could probably wait a few more hours. Hell it fucking had to, because Adam’s hands were sliding down his chest, palms brushing over his nipples and down to his hips. Fingers curved around his tiny waist, pressing in tight as Adam pushed himself further down Tommy’s thighs and bend forward. 

He flashed Tommy a deadly dark glance with eyes that were bright blue and hazy, through the long quiff of his pitch black hair. A smirk forming on his lips. And then his fucking teeth were scraping Tommy’s hipbone. And even though he knew what was coming for him, he wasn’t prepared for the sudden sensation of Adam’s full, puffy lips against his sensitive skin. Tommy squirmed desperately and tried to arch his back, but Adam wouldn’t let him move. And he wasn’t stopping either. His tongue circled inwards and upwards towards his belly button and then back down again. Painfully slowly. A sharp sting shot through Tommy’s belly and his dick simultaneously as Adam sucked the skin closest to the waistband of Tommy’s briefs in through his teeth. Then Adam just fucking reached and cupped Tommy’s balls in his hand – without a fucking warning. Tommy squirmed and fisted the sheets beneath him tight with both his hands. He felt helpless, desperate. But he was pretty sure that fucking loud moan that echoed through the room had just escaped his lips. 

When Adam rolled off of him then, Tommy used that moment of freedom to quickly get rid of his briefs and t-shirt. He also grabbed one of the abandoned pillows and quickly stuffed it underneath his back while he watched Adam reach over to the bedside table to find a bottle of lube in the drawer next to the tissue box that Tommy last used a couple of days before. But that seemed like something from a whole other fucking life as he watched Adam slick up his fingers. And for a moment, when Adam knelt behind him and when he felt those same fingers brush past his balls, right into the crack of his ass to circle his hole, Tommy thought he was going to pass the fuck out from delight. He squirmed violently and Adam looked down at him as if he is the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 

“You are so ready, Tommy, baby,” he murmured, appreciation making his voice heavy. Tommy wanted to tell him yes because he fucking made him wait for it for five fucking days, but every word got lost on the way to his lips as he felt the heavy push of Adam’s finger against his hole. His other hand loosely around Tommy’s dick, thumb brushing over his slit. Tommy lifted up his right leg and placed his foot firmly against Adam’s shoulder to give him better access and judging by the throaty sound that then came rolling over Adam’s lips, his move was appreciated. When Adam pressed in further then, Tommy got hold of Adam’s arm and pressed his nails into freckled skin. He squeezed his eyes shut and cursed out loud as Adam went knuckle-deep right away. Realising that Adam was as much in a hurry to get inside Tommy because it had been so damn fucking long only made everything worse. So much fucking better. 

“How does that feel for you?” Adam asked because he simply couldn’t help wanting to make sure it was alright for him, even if this was the hundredth time. 

Tommy just violently nodded his head and cursed again. “Like it isn’t fucking enough,” he breathed. Though the precome that was already leaking from his slit probably told Adam otherwise. But he didn’t stop, thank who-the-fuck-ever, and added a second finger instead while he leaned over - pushing Tommy’s knee all the way back against his chest as he did - to kiss him. Sloppy, open mouthed kisses that Tommy craved all week and only got tiny previews of on stage. He let his foot slide over Adam’s shoulder and rested his calve there instead, and then lifted his other leg up as well while Adam added a third finger. 

But Tommy was loose enough. He was fucking ready, even though he never really entirely was. He groaned loudly as Adam withdrew all of his fingers but barely let his mouth leave Tommy’s as he reached for the bottle of lube and slicked up thoroughly before guiding the head of his rock hard cock to Tommy’s hole. Tommy thought about blowing it later. He wanted it up his throat, every fucking inch of it, taste the salty sweat, make him groan from pleasure, and lick every last bit of cum off of it, but now all he wanted was for Adam to fuck him. 

And he did. Adam fucking finally fucked in hard, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing through the silent room. Tommy’s vision blurred, eyes shut up before he closed them entirely. A throaty groan escaped Adam’s lips as he held still with his cock way too far up Tommy’s ass but right where he fucking needed it to be. The faint pain, sharp pleasure combination that took some time getting used to but was now all he needed to fucking come, overwhelmed him. 

He moaned like a fucking porn star when Adam’s dick shifted inside him as Adam moved to plant his elbows above Tommy’s shoulders, bringing their faces together for a wet open-mouthed kiss. 

“I love the way you sound Tommy Joe, I love that I can make you sound like that…” Adam’s voice was rough as he looked down at Tommy, his forehead already sweaty, the thick vein in his neck swollen. And then he began to move. 

Tommy’s nails scratched down Adam’s back as he kept his other hand tightly fisted in the long side of Adam’s hair. Adam’s eyes were hazy and sparkled with last night’s black and blue eye shadow and plain horniness as Tommy jerked Adam’s head closer so he could kiss him again. “You’re gonna be good and come for me Tommy?” Adam began and Tommy reached for his neglected dick that laid heavy and wet on his stomach. “Shoot your fucking load because you love how my dick feels up your ass, so much?” 

Adam reached down as well. Folding his hand over Tommy’s around his dick and pressed down, causing Tommy to add more pressure. Then Adam pushed his hand up, giving Tommy’s dick a firm jerk. And that was all he needed. A violent spark ignited deep within his belly and he tightened up around Adam, legs kicking out over Adam’s shoulders uncontrollably as he came. Smearing cum all warm over his stomach and both Adam’s and his hand. To which Adam groaned darkly and pleasured in response. “God Tommy,” he groaned, fucking in even harder. 

“That felt so good, do that again for me, you’re so tight.”

Tommy didn’t need to be told that a second time. He wanted to make this as good for Adam as he could. And he didn’t need long. It’s only a matter of seconds before Adam sucked air in through his teeth and looked fucking gorgeous as he clenched his fists around Tommy’s biceps while tightening every single muscle in his body before releasing them all at once. Tommy’s name coming over his swollen, dark pink lips along with a dark groan.

 

The he collapsed on top of Tommy, rolling them over right away, to make sure Tommy wouldn’t get fucking crushed. He didn’t give a single damn about the cum that had been cooling down on Tommy’s stomach. That was for later. Cuddles and kisses were for now. Adam grinned pleased as Tommy planted his elbows against Adam’s chest and pushed himself up a little to be able to look at Adam, who thoughtlessly combed his sticky fingers through Tommy’s hair. His nails scraping Tommy’s scalp and the rough pads of his fingertips brushing his sleep. 

“This will teach you not to complain Tommy Joe.”

“Motherfucker,” Tommy groaned. Worn out but satisfied after finally being fucked and being quite fucking sure that Adam wasn’t going anywhere anymore. Not without him. Fucking finally.


End file.
